The benefits of listening.

When two people argue, each is very focused on getting their position heard, often in a loud voice, hands waving. The equivalent of a loud argument in the world of email or text are messages sent in capital letters. Focusing only on getting one’s point across means that one is mostly “transmitting” as opposed to “receiving”.

When we argue, we seldom listen - we speak or shout. This one-way emission, from each party to the other, is the main reason arguments do not actually accomplish anything - at least not moving the issues in dispute forward. On the surface, an argument between two people appears like a dialogue because, after all, there are two people “communicating” but, in fact, they are not talking to each other, they are talking at each other.

Mediation is a process which gives two people in a dispute an opportunity to not only speak but to listen. Sometimes, getting to that point takes a bit of time but a skilled mediator is able to create a platform for the parties to engage in an actual dialogue which involves each party not just “talking” but also “listening”. Both of these are very important, and settlement cannot take place until each party both talks and listens.

The mediator, a neutral participant in the process, facilitates the dialogue between the parties, moderates it, directs the discussion where needed, oversees flare-ups which are bound to occur, hands out tissues when tears flow and then gently redirects to the issues.

The benefits of listening are significant and in my view, a dispute has the potential of being resolved only once the parties both talk AND listen.

©AJJakubowska